Happy 6th Birthday

Ahhh. The 24th has arrived. I must say I am actually happy today. I am not jumping around but I am happy. Even though I tear up as I sit here and type this post. I have started to be able to celebrate this day for what it is. Ryan's Birthday. Not the day he died. That is a huge difference to me. Hopefully that is a big difference to most people. Am I sad of course. I wish he was here to celebrate with but I will still celebrate. We will head off to our family dinner and be happy! Tonight when we get home I will look into the stars and smile. I smile with the firm belief he is smiling back at us. He will blow his candles out on his cake to give me those stars. What a great present to us.

Lots of love,
Raye

Poor Little Jakey

My poor little Jakey. We had quite the roller coaster this weekend. Last week he did have a little cold. No snot or anything like that but a little cough. William had one as well. Well Thursday night he went downhill fast. Literally within about 30 mins he went from a little cough to wheezing and not feeling good. We got home from WalMart where we went to get more Cold & Cough medicine we started the breathing treatments. By the next morning he really hadn't had good improvement so off we went to the Dr. After oral steroids and two breathing treatments off we went to Cooks via ambulance. He had a high respiration rate and heart rate so the Dr. Hampton thought it would be prudent to transport instead of us driving. She also suspected pneumonia. Jake loved going on the ambulance. He thought it was an adventure. He even kind of did a nah nah nah nah to his brother when he told William about his trip. After two more breathing treatments and a chest xray the ER doc concluded it was probably just his asthma process. She couldn't rule out walking pneumonia since she still heard some noise in his left lung so she prescribed antibiotics. The good news is he is doing so much better now. If I could just keep my crazy 4 year old from running around that would be great. But you all know how that works.
Take care,
Rachel

Off we go on our adventure

Finally crashed. Couldn't even hold his DS.

Wonderful Doctors

March 30th was Doctor Appreciation Day. As I told many of you Cook's did a little form to let you submit a note to a Doctor that was in the Cook's network. Of course I sent one to all of Ryan's docs. I did send one to Dr. Scroggie as he has put up with my crazy boys for years. Anyway. I got a response from one of Ryan's docs. Dr. Tom Black sent us a message back. He was Ryan's Cardio Thoracic surgeon. He did Ryan's two Fistula surgeries and his diaphragm placation. He also did the scope before the heart surgery to check if there was any stenosis (narrowing) of the esophagus. He has the kindest heart and was always an advocate for Ryan. When there was a possibility of Ryan going on ECMO he spoke up with his opinion. Here is what Dr Black responded.

Thank you for your kind words after so many years. I recall that Ryan had a very serious heart condition. I hope that you share my conviction that there is a purpose in life and that someday you and he will be reunited. Best wishes to you and to your family.
Tom Black

I do share his opinion. I don't think the docs and nurses up there understand what they do for the family. One time we thanked Dr Brann for his care of Ryan one weekend. His response was he was just doing his job. They don't have a clue that the parents don't see it that way.

((Hugs))
Raye

It's Just a Day - Right??

This day will come every year. I have no control over that fact. I can control how I react to this day. At approximately 9 pm four years ago my beautiful boy flew to heaven. On some level I should feel joy as he is no longer in pain. He no longer has a tube stuck down his throat or an iv jammed into his arm or some other place on his body. But my heart still just aches. I know it is selfish for me to want him here but I don't care sometimes. I just miss my little guy. The What If game pops up about now. What If we would have made this choice, What If we decided to do this, What If we had waited to do that. It will drive you crazy. But life must go on. I have two crazy boys and an unbelievably wonderful husband who need me. Thank God! I guess this is just another day. We will see.
Much Love,
Raye