When I Said I Do

These times are troubled and these times are good
And they're always gonna be, they rise and they fall
We take 'em all the way that we should
Together you and me forsaking them all
Deep in the night and by the light of day
It always looks the same, true love always does
And here by your side, or a million miles away
Nothin's ever gonna change the way that I feel,
The way it is, is the way that it was

When I said I do, I meant that I will 'til the end of all time
Be faithful and true, devoted to you
That's what I had in mind when I said I do

Well this old world keeps changin', and the world stays the same
For all who came before, and it goes hand and hand
Only you and I can undo all that we became
That makes us so much more, than a woman and a man
And after everything that comes and goes around
Has only passed us by, here alone in our dreams
I know there's a lonely heart in every lost and found
But forever you and I will be the ones
Who found out what forever means

When I said I do, I meant that I will 'til the end of all time
Be faithful and true, devoted to you
That's what I had in mind when I said I do

Truer than true, you know that I'll always be there for you
That's what I had in mind, that's what I had in mind,
When I said I do

10 Years Down

Sweet Little Jakey

I go from not blogging for two months to three in two days. Man. Anyway meant to share this sweet story about my little Jake. I know I wrote about the feelings I was having concerning Ryan and what not but I had not shared them with the boys or even Doug for that matter. But last night I was making dinner and Jake came up to me with his Dd (blanket) all rolled up. He told me it was Baby Ryan like he was Jakey Ryan. He then proceeded to tell me that Ryan died and I said yes he did. He then said you miss him Mommy don't you and I said yes I did. He then said he was going to put him in my bed so I could sleep with him and Daddy too. All night he took that blanket around like a baby. He sat on the couch and held it and when he went to bed he blamed not going to sleep on Baby Ryan crying. That little nut. He can be so sweet and such a little punk. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Take care,
Raye

The Brave Little Soul

Found this on the Caring Bridge site for our former insurance salesman's son. He passed away February after a 3 year long battle with cancer. I still struggle to this day with why the Lord would allow an innocent soul to suffer. One day I will be at peace with that concept.
((hugs))

The Brave Little Soul By: John Alessi
Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, "Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?" God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts." The little soul was confused. "What do you mean," he asked. God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone." The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, "The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love - to create this miracle for the good of all humanity."
Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied. "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's hearts! I want to create that miracle!" God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you". God and the brave soul shared a smile, and then embraced.
In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed." Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God's strength, he unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys, some regained lost faith - many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

First Day of School

Can't believe school is back in the swing. Thank goodness. And I can't believe it has been over two months since my last post. My bad. It is great to be back in the school schedule. William really likes his class and has been so excited every day to tell me about what he did that day. Jake is just Jake. Shayla has started up the curriculum and this year he starts to learn to read with her. His writing is really doing great. Hopefully this will be a great year for the Harrison boys. For some reason Monday morning on the way to work something just came over me. I started to think about Ryan, like usual, but I started doing the what if game. What if he was still here he would be starting kindergarten. What if he was still here what kind of kindergarten would he have attended. With all his disabilities we always thought the brain was not effected so despite the physical disabilities he might have been able to be in a regular kindergarten. Who knows. I also started thinking about Tanner. How might heart hurt thinking of how sweet it would have been for him to start school with his brother. Watch out. Two Tilson boys. But alas there are other plans for the boys. One day we will know. But until then we revel in what we have and love every minute of it.
Take care!
Raye

Jake walking with big brother on the first day

Fish Tales, Fish Tales, Fish Tales

I have never been so proud of my little William. Well he is not so little anymore. Last week he went to KidSong music camp at Heritage Church of Christ. The idea of the camp was to learn a musical and present it to the parents or anyone that wanted to attend. The week wasn't all about Fish Tales. In the afternoon they did crafts, had visitors and played. One of my BFF's helped put this together. Her son, another BFF's daughter and William got to do camp together. They were even in the same troop. I was so blown away by these kids. They had to be starting 2nd grade to participate. Well one certain little Gracie got snuck in to the fray. Their performances we just amazing. They learned choreography and everything. William got to do a dance during the performance. Of course Gracie was her usual crazy self and Blayne just rolled with the punches. I was really excited he came out of his comfort zone for this. The boys really like the youth program at Heritage and they do a great job of teaching the gospel to the kids in a way they can understand. I struggle with that and the boys. I know that is crazy but I really don't have the words to put something that big into a language they understand. But that probably a good indicator of why I never wanted to be a teacher. All in all it was a wonderful experience not only for William but for the whole family too.
Lots of love!
Raye

Poor Little Jakey

My poor little Jakey. We had quite the roller coaster this weekend. Last week he did have a little cold. No snot or anything like that but a little cough. William had one as well. Well Thursday night he went downhill fast. Literally within about 30 mins he went from a little cough to wheezing and not feeling good. We got home from WalMart where we went to get more Cold & Cough medicine we started the breathing treatments. By the next morning he really hadn't had good improvement so off we went to the Dr. After oral steroids and two breathing treatments off we went to Cooks via ambulance. He had a high respiration rate and heart rate so the Dr. Hampton thought it would be prudent to transport instead of us driving. She also suspected pneumonia. Jake loved going on the ambulance. He thought it was an adventure. He even kind of did a nah nah nah nah to his brother when he told William about his trip. After two more breathing treatments and a chest xray the ER doc concluded it was probably just his asthma process. She couldn't rule out walking pneumonia since she still heard some noise in his left lung so she prescribed antibiotics. The good news is he is doing so much better now. If I could just keep my crazy 4 year old from running around that would be great. But you all know how that works.
Take care,
Rachel

Off we go on our adventure

Finally crashed. Couldn't even hold his DS.

Lake Travis Adventure Pt1

What a great start to the weekend. On our way down to Lake Travis we stopped at Whitney to see Doug's parents. We had a nice lunch and it was good to see them. We hadn't seen them since Christmas. Downtown Whitney had great character. Found a great wall to take the boys picture. William posed like a little model. Cracked me up. Once we finally got through Round Rock traffic we arrived at the rent house. Rustic is the first thing that came to mind. Not exactly what I was expecting. It is clean and has all the amenities but kind of jungle. This area reminds me a lot of LA up in the hills. Nice houses squeezed onto a small lot on winding roads with smaller more rustic homes in between. But the boys like it so that is the important thing. They slept well last night but I can't say the same for Doug. He should be fine the rest of the time. Doug & i sat on one of the decks last night. We read, watched the lights on the lake and had tasty beverages. It was great. Will continue with Pt 2 tomorrow. The only thing we have planned today is a trip to the park and Iguana Grill.
Take care!
Raye

Mother's Day 2010

What a great day. Actually a great weekend. Saturday was a little stressful but fun. Got to eat at Central Market with my boys and then off to Jake's Loft. Love me some Jake's Loft. Got to see Courtney and Lil Teri and their crew at Jake's. I so wish William's soccer game hadn't got moved. We would have had a blast at CM drinking some wine. After William's game we headed on over to Mary's for a cookout with my Mom and Oma. Boy was Mom surprised when Mike opened the door. He came in from Cali to surprise her. Sunday was all mine. I got to sleep in until 8. Woot! Yes 8 is sleeping in for the Harrison's. I have no idea why my boys can't sleep in. Even if they go to bed really late their happy butts are still up by 8 at the latest. I am sure they will grow out of that at some point. Hopefully. My amazing boys got me an iPad for a gift. It was completely unexpected. I was thinking a spa day was in my future. It has been so much fun playing with it. It is like crack. Rachel please step away from the pipe. It was off to Don Taco for lunch where we completely pigged out and off to soccer, again. The season that never ends. The best part was that I got to spend time with my boys doing what I wanted, well almost. The greatest gift Doug ever gave me was those three amazing boys. I stand amazed when I look into William and Jake's face and remember Ryan. I did that. Well with some help. I have wanted since I was a little girl to be a Mommy. Not just to have a living doll but someone that was a part of me. I couldn't wait to teach them their ABC's or colors or about the stars. It is just wonderful. And that poem is so true. To be a Mom is to accept that your heart will walk around outside of your body for the rest of your life. I just pray they will always have room in theirs for me.
Much Love to all the Moms!
Raye

Crazy boys

Kisses for Mom

March for Babies - Honoring My Preemies!

Click here to help me reach my goal!

Members In A Club We Never Wanted To Join

Today was Jake's birthday party but it was also an anniversary for a fellow Angel Mommy. Today was Carleigh's 1st Angelversary. Carliegh was born sleeping one year ago today. My heart goes out to Holly especially since we are coming up on our 5th on Friday. I am blessed I know these women but I hate that I met these woman being a member of this club. Never in a million years did I think I would be in this club. It stinks and sometimes I just want to scream. But then I stop take a deep breath and realize how blessed I truly am in this world. Unlike Holly who had to say goodbye while she was saying hello I got these amazing 9 weeks and 6 days with Ryan. That is a blessing that I will always remember. Here is to Holly and all the Angel Parents out there. We are members of this club we never wanted to join but we have each other. Either online or down the street we are always here for each other.
((hugs)),
Raye

Getting ready to release

Off it goes

Happy Birthday "Baby" Jake!

What a great day yesterday. My little guy turned 4. I know I talk about this all the time but it is hard and amazing watching them grow up. My baby is four. He will be in Kindergarten not his fall but next. We started the day with Birthday Breakfast. His choice was French Toast Sticks. He got to open his cards and his present from Mom & Dad while he waited for his breakfast. In the midst of eating his breakfast he told Doug it was the best breakfast. He is such a nut. He wanted to wear his Link costume top to Shayla's so he got to wear that and his hat. Thank you Shayla for sparing it from the cupcakes. That icing was very messy. He was very excited. Since he is now 4 he got to play on the top of the small play structure at Shayla's. Boy does he think that is cool. William had skills class so once they finally called it because of weather we went to dinner. Jake chose Pizza Hut. Thank the Lord we were not stuck at McDonald's or Burger King. When we got home Jake started to turn the light off over the table and getting a chair ready. I asked him what he was doing and he said getting ready to blow the candles out. I guess he has learned the routine in the Harrison household. We finished the night with Jake requesting another birthday breakfast. Guess he wants his day to just go on and on. But who doesn't?

Birthday Breakfast. Nice bed head

Jake showing off one of his presents. William gives the thumbs up.

Blowing out the candles. Yes he still has the costume on.

William reading one of Jake's books to him and Pepper.

T and A

Ok everyone take your mind out of the gutter. Friday little Jakie had his tonsils out. After waiting for 50 mins in the waiting room we were finally called back to pre op. I think the nurses got the vibe that I was hacked. Their lame excuses were not good excuses. Anyway... Once we got back into pre op things went pretty fast. He was not real sure about what was about to happen as these strangers were wheeling him away without Mom & Dad. They did let him take his deedee and his Julius back with him. The OR suite was just on the other side of the doors so I could see him going in and Dr Bryan came out to ask any last minute questions. I was hanging in there until Dr Bryan walked away and they shut the doors. Wham. It hit me. The flood of emotions from April 2nd came rushing back. The rational side of me absolutely knew this was routine but the Mom side of me had that band aid ripped right off. I know nothing was going to happen but the fear was still there. When Ryan was having all his surgeries they just wheeled him from the NICU into surgery. On top of that he was a newborn that was sedated so he had no clue. Not so much with a three year old. Once we got in the waiting room within about 10 mins they were calling us back to talk to the Dr. That was way fast. We had to wait just about another 10 mins and they called us back to see Jake. We walked with him from the recovery room to his little post op bed. Poor baby. He was trying hard to cry but it hurt. It was sad and humorous all at the same time. And I cried again. The flood gates opened for the memory bank and the last time I held a child after surgery came to my mind. For all of the heartache I went through I know this was the right decision. Last night Doug went to check on the boys before bed and he had to walk over and put his hand on Jake's back to make sure he was breathing. Yeah! No more snoring!! Now on to his birthday. I can't believe my baby is going to be 4 next week. Man how time flies!
Take care,
Raye

Getting ready

Only Mom can make it better

Jake stylin' ride out of the surgery center

Chhhh Changes

Wow what a week. We started with the sad news that Doug's Gram passed unexpectedly. When Doug was a kid he spent summers in El Paso with his Gram and Gramp. He told me he always enjoyed going to see them. Especially Gram's Poppy Seed bread she would make for breakfast. I got the opportunity to meet her last year when she came and visited Doug's cousin who lives, or lived, in the area. I actually got to meet the whole gang. It was great to meet another part of Doug's family. We made it work for Doug to go to El Paso for the service and was a pall bearer. I wish the boys and I could have gone but that was just not workable. Well Gram had a dog named Pepper and they weren't sure who was going to be able to take her. We have been thinking of getting a dog and two attempts in the past failed so we must have been destined to take Pepper. So far so good. She is very sweet and the boys love her. Now she just needs some bling for her collar. It was great to welcome her this weekend. Especially since today would have been my Dad's 82nd birthday. Wow. 82. I miss him so much but he has a very important job right now. I hope everyone has a great week. Jake is having his tonsils out on Friday so I will let everyone know how he does.
Take care,
Raye

Running around

Sweet girl

Look at that face

Holy Snow

How fun the snow is. Until you have to drive in it. We have had something like 8 inches of real snow. Not sleet or ice but snow. It is really cool. The boys have seen more snow in their short lives than I did growing up. It is so fun to watch their faces when they wake up and see the snow. I took these pictures here at the office today. They are letting us leave early so I hope to post more of the boys and a snowman!!

Take care!
Raye

Happy Birthday Doug!

The last of the Harrison birthdays for the moment. Doug turned the big 39 on Friday. Thank goodness Jake's birthday is in March. Having four of us in two weeks time is crazy. I remember when Ryan was born everyone was like can you give us a break here. I tried to arrange to give Doug a great day off which worked for the most part. But work ended up making him do something. But all in all he said he had a great day. He and I ate lunch together at his fav fish taco place. Believe it or not he did not have fish tacos that day. We finished the day by having dinner at Pizza Hut. We love the Pizza Hut in Roanoke. They have great service and the pizza are hot. Everyone got along and everything so it was a great weekend.

Take care!
Raye

The Birthday Boy and his crew

Happy Birthday William!

Oh my goodness. My big guy is 8 years old now. Where did the time go? I vividly remember being in labor and then ending up with a C-Section after 13 hours of labor. I was terrified at the idea of a c-section but he knew he was not supposed to be born that way. It ended up the cord was wrapped around his neck. He was lodged in my hip and didn't want to move any lower. Everyone and their dog was there with us. Thank goodness. What a gift to have my family and my friends at the hospital for the birth of my first child. Actually the first child in the group. William was such a wonderful baby, toddler, preschooler, schooler, you name it. Watch. He will be hell as a teenager. That will be just our luck. I asked William how he thought his birthday weekend went and he said "Awesome!". We went to McDonald's on Friday night, his actual birthday, with Grace and Tanner. And then on Saturday his buddy from school went with us to Going Bonkers. And boy did they go Bonkers. I am so glad he enjoyed. I love you my big guy. Mommy's first little one.

Take care!
Raye

Bakugan Craziness

Birthday Boy!

Going Bonkers

Helping Hands for Haiti

Reprinted from my friend Emily's blog.
Stepping Stones:a path to healing after the loss of a child

Healing Hands for Haiti

I have been following the news from Haiti but haven't been sure what to do to help. The stories of loss and tragedy are terrible. And then like a light in the darkness, I found out about this project: Healing Hands for Haiti, and in particular, the Utah Hospital Task Force.

A friend of mine from church is friends with the girl, Erin, who walked in to offer her services in 'social network marketing' and then 6 hours later left the offices finding herself appointed as the new press secretary and scheduled to leave on Friday on a plane to Haiti.

They have organized a team to fly down Friday with the anticipation to send future teams as resources allow. The team is comprised of volunteer medical and construction personnel, including previous LDS missionaries to Haiti to act as translators. It is not an LDS (Mormon) organized group although a great number of them are members of the LDS church.

I've been obsessed with following her activity as she gets ready to leave. Her personal blog can be found here

I know many of you have already donated in other ways to Haiti. Thank you. Let me just do my little part and pass along this request from Erin: (I particularly love the fact that the airplane will be filled with orphans on the return trip.)

The Utah Hospital Task Force will deploy Thursday to Haiti to help the victims of the devastating earthquake just a few weeks ago. The team of 150 volunteers of doctors, nurses, translators and other professionals are going to Haiti to help rescue the displaced, homeless, and sick children. Many orphanages were destroyed in the earthquake on January 13, 2010. Another after shock this past week has created an even more desperate situation. Stories of toddlers wandering alone in the streets, children found sleeping alone in abandoned and dangerous buildings, and more heartbreaking, horrible tales continue to come out of Haiti daily. The Utah Hospital Task Force, along with Healing Hands for Haiti (an existing charitable organization) will be working to quickly provide medical care for the children, rebuild their orphanages, and when possible, bring them safely to the United States.

The Utah Hospital Task Force airplane will deliver the volunteers to Haiti on Thursday night, and will quickly be filled with orphans who will fly to Utah to meet their waiting adoptive families. Please help us bring more children back to safety and to loving homes with your donation today.

The Utah Hospital Task Force volunteers will be living within the Healing Hands for Haiti medical compound in tents during their stay. (The medical compound buildings were destroyed in the earthquake.) The volunteers will also be living with and helping serve the children from two nearby destroyed orphanages. Living conditions will be primitive and resources scarce, but the volunteers are happy to serve. But donations are desperately needed to help keep the operations safe and effective.

Please visit http://HealingHandsforHaiti.org and click on the donate PayPal button. To ensure that your donation is used for this mission, please click “special instructions to seller” on PayPal and write “Utah Hospital Task Force” in the box.

To follow the experiences of the task force in Haiti please visit http://utahhospitaltaskforce.org. You can also follow them on Twitter at http://twitter.com/uhtf and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/UtahHospitalTaskForce.

Thank you for your support and donations!

Happy Heavenly Birthday

Mommy, Please don't cry...
We have lots of parties here.
With Streamers and hats,
And the best chocolate cake ever!

What a great day yesterday. Normally we celebrate Ryan's birthday with just Doug, the kids and myself but we decide to open it up since it would have been a milestone birthday.Doug and I decided back on what would have been his first birthday to make that day a happy day. We celebrate the time we had with him. There are plenty of other days in the year to be sad and think about his passing. We decided to do a balloon release on his birthday this year when we usually do that in April. In the throws of grief it is hard to appreciate what you had and not dwell on what is lost. As time goes by the heartache gets replaced with joy just a little at a time. I am not saying the heartache will ever disappear but it lessens with allowing the love we felt and still feel to overtake our hearts. Like the quote from Mommy Please Don't Cry states above I bet that Ryan and his buddies Parker and Gabriel are having a great party. I have a feeling Grandpa Bill and Opa are letting them get away with way too much fun. May your hearts always be filled with the love you share or have shared and not the grief you have experienced.
((hugs)),
Raye