It's Just a Day - Right??

This day will come every year. I have no control over that fact. I can control how I react to this day. At approximately 9 pm four years ago my beautiful boy flew to heaven. On some level I should feel joy as he is no longer in pain. He no longer has a tube stuck down his throat or an iv jammed into his arm or some other place on his body. But my heart still just aches. I know it is selfish for me to want him here but I don't care sometimes. I just miss my little guy. The What If game pops up about now. What If we would have made this choice, What If we decided to do this, What If we had waited to do that. It will drive you crazy. But life must go on. I have two crazy boys and an unbelievably wonderful husband who need me. Thank God! I guess this is just another day. We will see.
Much Love,
Raye

My Baby is 3!!

Oh my gosh. My baby is three today. It is so weird to remember that at this time three years ago I was heading to my last appt at Dr Payne's office. I was actually going to cancel this appt but decided to go anyway. Good thing. I remember Dr Payne telling me after my ultrasound it was baby day. I was thinking yep that is right. Next Thursday is delivery day. And he was like No TODAY is baby day. He told me he was calling Dr Reimer and I was going to deliver that day because I had basically no fluid left. I remember calling Doug and telling him to turn off his computer and leave the office. No questions just leave and meet me at the house. So at approx 2 pm on Friday Jacob Ryan was born. I remember hearing him cry for the first time and just this wave of relief and elation wash over me. All I could say to Doug is "He's crying, He's crying". Then they started working on him. He was grunting so they were a little worried. They rolled him by me and took him to the NICU. Dr Reimer was so sweet. After they rolled Jake away he leaned down and gave me a hug. I think he was as happy as we were that Jake was here and safe. Jake being in the NICU freaked Doug out a little. I completely understand where he was coming from. But a few hours later Jake was off CPAP and doing fine. Just had to get his lungs dried out. Who knew what a crazy preschooler that kid would become? He is just absolutely crazy. He is the insanity that is the temper to William's calm. It is so cool to see them grow up together. Jake really worships his older brother. He is William's parrot. It is so sweet to see it. Granted they try and beat it each other up a little too much but what are you going to do with brothers? The journey continues.
Much love today,
Raye

1 day old

3 yrs

Gone Too Soon

I wasn't going to blog about this but I just feel moved to. On Wednesday night our dear friend Carmen Lee passed away from a heart attack. She was only 51. Carmen came into our life right about the time I graduated from High School. Becky and I worked at a daycare in Bedford that Carmen's kids attended. She was Ashlee's 3 year old teacher and struck up a friendship with Carmen. Carmen was the Matron of Honor at Spec's wedding and did the flowers for my wedding. How blessed was I that she could do that for me? She was amazing with flowers. She had Indian Hawthorne growing in her backyard and so she took that and made the amazing floral balls for the flower girls to carry. They were amazing. Carmen was someone that would not think twice about helping you if you were in need. She always put others first. She was diagnosed with cancer years ago and when she beat that everyone thought life would be great. How just wrong is it that after beating cancer she is taken from this world by a heart attack? Words can't explain how wrong it is. Becky said something to me the other day that made perfect sense. We are all here on this earth for a reason. Some are here for good others not so good. As soon as we fulfill our purpose our time is done and we are called home. It takes some decades to do that some only weeks. This idea does not necessarily make is easier for us left behind but hopefully brings peace. It is not ours to know until all is revealed when we meet the Lord but personally for me I wish I could know. Just to make the pain a little easier. Making sense of the loss helps the pain just a little.
Lots of love,
Raye

Bound To Happen

It was bound to happen. I have been warning William since Jake was a baby. I have proof Jake is going to beat the you know what out of William some day. We were at the park today for a dinner picnic. They were playing with this little boy. William and this boy decided Jake was the monster and starting chasing him. Jake decided "yeah right, I am going to get you!" so he started to fight back. It was hilarious. Jake didn't go after the other little boy, just William. It begins.....
((hugs))
Rachel

The first punch

Back for more

All Grown Up

Oh my gosh. My little guy walked home today for the first time. Well not completely alone. Doug met him at the crosswalk and basically followed him home. Since Doug is working from home William is going to just walk home instead of us paying for after school care. Especially since we only live about a block and a half away. I walked home a longer distance in elementary school. Looking back that is a marathon compared to what William will walk. You know the Keller ISD. It is like living in Salt Lake with a Mormon chapel on every corner the Keller ISD has an elementary on every corner. LOL!!!

January Bdays All Done

Now the Jan/ Feb birthday fest for the Harrison Crew is now officially done. On Thursday Doug decided he just wanted to stay home, order pizza and watch a movie so that is what we did. That is what I did on my birthday. It is nice to just not have to go somewhere or do something. We watched City of Ember. Liked that movie. Jake of course was up and down but William really enjoyed it. Now I want to read those books. On Sunday we went to Central Market in Southlake to meet Randy, Dave, Chris and the girls. I was sick on Saturday so I was a little worried about going. The good news is the tummy issues on Saturday were food related and not a stomach bug. On Sunday morning the cramps and chills were gone so I felt like it was just bad food. Thank goodness. After talking to Barnes I did not want to get the stomach flu like she and Ken had. Yuck. We really enjoyed ourselves at Central Market. The weather was perfect. It was a little windy so most people were inside instead of out like they usually are on weekends. I also learned that they serve breakfast until noon. The kids got breakfast food and were so glad. The chocolate chip pancakes were a hit. Ethan's breakfast tacos looked Yummy as well. The boys played and played and Ethan even got to come over to the "adult" table and talk. Jake had to wear his cape. He was flying around the place. Doug said someone made a comment that a super hero was on the playground and Jake put his hands up like it's me. Of course I took a ton of pictures. I am really getting addicted to taking them. I need to get "Doug" a new lens. Using the nice lens is hard sometimes because it is long and you can't get close. Oh well. Just put it on the wish list.
Take care,
Raye

Proof when they get older that they did love each other

Super Jake waiting for his next move

Chocolate chips on his lips. Does he know how to use his napkin?

Emily being Emily

Ethan chowing on the tacos

7 Years Ago

Wow. Seven years ago at 8:36 pm William David Harrison came into this world 30 years and one week to the day at the same hospital I was born. After 13hours of labor it was decided to cut me open and take him. I was terrified. Mary helped me so much. She helped me understand that a C Section was not as scary as it sounded and I would be okay. She was right. William was such a good baby. He so lulled me into a false sense of how babies behave. Had he not been number one there may have not been any others. I guess that is why the Lord sent him first. He knew I needed an easy one first. Dan was born when I was when I was twelve and as everyone knows I had many others after that and helped care for some of them. I knew the mechanics. That was cake. What I was not prepared for was the amount of love I felt for this child. I loved him while he was in the womb and wanted him desperately but nothing could have prepared me for that feeling. This overwhelming wave of love was amazing. Like the one poem says to have a child is to have your heart walk around outside your body for the rest of your life. It has been such a privilege watching him grow up. He is such a sweet hearted child. Hopefully he will keep some of that growing up. OK. I am going to stop being mushy now so I can stop crying.
Take care,
Raye

William in the hospital

Blowing out his candles tonight